I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
