All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
