I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
