my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
