I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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