are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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