Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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