WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
