If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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