if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
