One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
