Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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