so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
MIDGETS
????
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
