I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
