Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
