i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
