need another drink. this is the easiest way
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
