It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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