Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
