You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
