it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
