People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
