just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
