here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
