Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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