hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
