Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Randomize
