How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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