So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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