I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
