oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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