I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
please come you make the beer taste better
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Randomize
