I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
