this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
