and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
