will power is for people who don't want to get laid
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
