never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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