It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
