peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i will never coherently bang her
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
