after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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