It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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