it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
