Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
