The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
