I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
