if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
