someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
