Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
