She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
