paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
