in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
