So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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